what are you thinking about yourself....

How much do you value yourself?

It may seem like a strange question, but I see it as one worth asking. So many of us have been taught to put others first, as well as their opinions, and often in the process we can lose a sense of our own value…

Often everyone else seems to become more of a priority than ourself.

Not that I am endorsing narcissistic behavior but rather a realistic balance between our own needs and the needs of those around us, whether we are speaking of family, friends or our work. Try to remember that in the long run this is to everyone’s benefit who we share our lives with.

Has it been a while since you have listened to your heart’s true desire?

Is there something that you have been longing to pursue but somehow it seems to be continually postponed until you have more time…how long has this been going on? Maybe time in fact is not the real issue, but how you feel about yourself.

Often in the end we just give up on our dreams and in a way that means that we give up on our truest self. If we can’t value ourselves it is hard to imagine how someone else can and we begin to create a self fulfilling prophecy, that was based on a falsehood to start, that we really don’t matter.

My experience is that as we begin to take more steps to follow our heart, we reconnect with our true nature. Once this begins to happen there is no way that we cannot value ourselves more. We are all valuable and have something important to contribute in our lives…even if it is to be the one who says good morning to a stranger and maybe change that persons day, which just might have the power to change their life.

Here are a few inquiries to consider ….

Do you often do something other than what you really want to be doing to please someone else. This is lovely to do, but how many times do you forsake your desire?

If you were going to prepare yourself a cup of tea, coffee, a snack or a meal do you put less effort into it compared to if you were doing this for a friend, lover, family member. Why not treat yourself as well?

When you are tired, maybe even feeling exhausted, do you push yourself to “do one more thing”? Would you ask this of someone who you cared about?

Do you put undue pressure on yourself even when it is not necessary?…somehow it has  just become habitual.

Do you give far more to others than yourself? This can be in so many ways, our time and attention, our money, our compassion and care, our thoughts. I am a firm believer in the amazing gifts that come our way when we are giving and compassionate, and this is often a beneficial pathway to find more value in ourselves as well, however we can fall into a pattern of doing this at our own neglect and this is what I refer to here.

When we are more loving to ourselves it just happens that we are more loving to others.

When we are more compassionate to ourselves it just happens that we become more compassionate towards others.

As I was writing this I had an opportunity to live what I am writing about, which quite often happens. Last night I had hoped to finish this and post it on the website, but it was a bit late and I was tired. I kept writing a bit longer and then I realized that I was REALLY tired and I decided to go to bed and finish this is the morning (which is exactly what I am doing right now). Now, believe me there was a time when I would have made myself a cup tea, taken a few deep breaths outside and got myself back to writing so that this could be completed last night.

But what I realized was that it really didn’t matter if it was posted last night or this morning. Apologies if anyone out there was really disappointed when it was not in their email inbox this morning…

I let myself go to bed when I was feeling tired, wake up fresh and probably complete this more efficiently today and definitely feeling better than I would have last night. In many respects this is so obvious but the things that we do and patterns that we create often become so subtle that we don’t even think about them anymore. No wonder a lot of people are walking around angry, fearful and with so much personal discontent.

We get upset when others don’t treat us with respect, yet do we treat ourselves with that same respect we want from others?

As we begin to value ourselves more, we take better care of ourselves as well and this can only bring more good to those around us. I think that we all are aware of how depleting stress is and how harmful to our health. Some say that 90% of all illnesses are related to stress, and also one source of depression…so no amount of medication can really offer a cure if something that we are dealing with is stress related.

It may also be that something that we have done in the past to “treat” ourselves may now be creating stress and need to be re-thought. Perhaps a dinner out was a way to let go at the end of a busy day. But what if today the cost of that dinner is creating stress for you, can you really enjoy it? It may be time to spend an extra evening at home creating a beautiful, less expensive meal, reading a book or taking a long bath. What can you do in your life to relax yet not create financial pressure. A short walk may be all the medicine that you need to unwind during a hectic day.

Many of us are rediscovering, or wanting to rediscover more joy and happiness in our lives. One key element in this is listening to ourselves more so that we really have a chance to explore what truly makes us happy and joyful. This is not a subject that we often talk about, but when it comes to living in a more fulfilling way this is important to explore. More and more of us are realizing that many of those outside things are not necessarily making us feel any better, in fact often they become a burden and steal away our precious time.

This is a short story from Utne Reader about one country that is actually making their citizens’ happiness one indicator of the countries success and growth. Imagine this in the U.S., a lot would need to change but the benefits would be so far reaching to many.

We are in an exciting time right now with many changes happening all around us. The protests in Egypt and other places are one indicator that people are tired of being treated as if they do not matter, as if they have no value–there are other issues as well but in some ways this is really one of the underlying core issues in many places. We could not have homeless people or hunger if we valued every being more. We also could not destroy the Earth, or support its destruction with the things that we buy or eat, if we placed more value in what the Earth offers to us.

As with most things in life we must start with ourselves….

Ask yourself, do you value yourself and do you treat yourself as if you do?

If you answered yes – thank you for being a catalyst for others to do the same. And if you answered no, why not take a few moments right now to realize just how special you truly are and deserving to be treated with love and respect, especially by you.

Sending love and light…….

In order to truly blossom we must be willing to open...to life.

Yesterday I was telling someone a story from my past that had to do with a humbling, and at the time a slightly humiliating experience. We began talking about the word humiliation and then humility…surely there is a relationship between the two.

For the sake of clarity I am not talking about humiliation in the broader sense of the word such as when a group or individual is subject to humiliating treatment that sets them apart with the intention to belittle them or possibly worse…this is not the experience that I refer to. But rather humiliation in the narrower sense of the word, maybe we could call it extreme embarrassment that causes us to feel humiliated. Often when we can go through that experience, survive it, and have our friends or family still love us, we realize that we can gain something from it.

Isn’t it interesting how we are averse to feeling humiliated but somehow humility is good? Maybe there isn’t that much of a difference…don’t we gain humility allowing ourselves to feel a bit humiliated on occasion. They can be two sides of one coin.

Could this be something that we are missing in our world today? a bit more humility. Many of us are too afraid to risk feeling humiliated so then we play it safe…Perhaps a little bit too safe to really experience life in its fullest and juiciest.

How powerful is that fear if it can hold us back from trying to live our dreams. Why do we not pursue that which puts a smile on our face and in our hearts. How many unfulfilled, and untried dreams are out there?

My experience is that at some point the fear of not living my life as I dreamt it could be was far more scary than going for it.

At this point I must confess that this is not where I planned to go with this writing but I like this exploration so my original idea will just have to wait.

I see that humility is a process that de-emphasizes the ego, that chips  away at it, which allows us to discover that we are something far beyond the ego. Usually in this process we gain something…some insight, some awareness to fill that space previously occupied by the ego in our inner world.

When we gain the knowledge, and acceptance of who we truly are, we recognize our value…We are empowered yet at the same time humbled. If we can give ourselves permission to experience that self humiliation and still remain aware of our being-ness and our worth we can also experience that sense of humility, which I know as very peaceful and centering. I am amazed again and again what power emanates from that place of being-ness.

Once we connect to ourselves this way we gain such a sense of freedom that we are willing to dare being humbled, even if that means risking the potential for a taste of humiliation. We realize that in effect everything in life is an opportunity for us to grow and live more aware and awakened lives…usually our greatest fears never come close to manifesting.

I don’t know about you but I am willing to take that risk, to make that leap to live a truly authentic life. The ego may get a bit nervous, but in effect as more fun, joy and contentment comes into my life there is an aspect of my ego that likes it too and then surrender just comes.

So maybe you are willing to step out a little from your comfort zone to experience more of who you really are. In the big picture of life when we are willing to dare, it is evidence that we are trusting something bigger than our fear and that is always empowering. Who would have thought that we can go from humiliation to humility and then to empowerment…

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

It's time for us all to blossom.

Sometimes we need to be willing to sit for a period of time with what may be uncomfortable feelings in order to understand our lessons in life, so that we can then receive the gifts that follow…

When going through a challenging time have you noticed how difficult it often is to just sit with your feelings, to allow them to come to full bloom or maybe even eruption? There is a magic in the exploration of what is really being shown to us, since quite often it is something beyond what seems apparent on the surface. Think about it, when you are challenged in almost any way, in a relationship, at work, or even just driving down the road, and your feelings get charged up, isn’t there often a component that you could adjust? Try to linger there when feeling emotionally challenged, a lesson may await you that brings you deeper insight into unchartered areas within yourself that will allow you to live a more relaxed, joyful, satisfying life.

Take for example, driving down the road in traffic, your reaction might be anger or frustration but what can you do about the traffic anyway? What could this situation be indicating about you? Maybe you need to allow yourself more time so you don’t feel the stress of worrying about being late. Perhaps you need to slow down a bit and accept things as they come, especially those situations that are out of your control. Can you use this time as some sort of opportunity for yourself…listen to music you love and be glad that you have this time to really enjoy it, practice breathing in a conscious way, send out a desire that all those surrounding you in traffic reach their destination safely and peacefully. This is a chance to change your immediate, internal reality without being a victim of your external circumstances.

Perhaps you have a situation at work, or in a relationship, that keeps coming up. What could that be saying about you? Perhaps you need to confront a situation that you have been avoiding. Or maybe you need to dig a bit deeper and look at something totally unrelated to this immediate situation, which is just a trigger to bring your attention to something else. It is always interesting how we quite often are given opportunities that we ignore, but they keep returning.

As Pema ChÖdrÖn writes, “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”  Why not be observant, and willing to get the lesson sooner rather than later so that you can move on to the next beautiful opportunity life will present you…but be ready to sit with it for a bit to see what is being shown, about yourself.

This is in no way a judgmental exercise about ourself, how we are “bad” or must change. Try to see this as an opportunity to tend to a garden, pulling out the weeds so that more attention can be given to the beauty of the flowers and plants. We are all beautiful gardens that often just need a bit of care to come to our full glory. Give yourself this time to sit and be with yourself, you may discover a treasure calling you, that is you.

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are.”

I am not aware of who wrote this originally (if you know please send the author’s name) but it is a beautiful daily thought, or prayer… however you like to define it. When we can remember to remember that each phase of our life can offer us incredible gifts leading us to unthought of possibilities we can allow the unfolding of our lives with a bit more ease.

Not that each day will necessarily be “easy” but neither is a hike up a steep mountain, but the gift we receive when standing at the peak always makes it worth the effort. We get to experience many peaks in our lives when we have the stamina, courage and faith to continue up our personal mountains…..Perhaps one of the most important items to help us keep going is self acceptance.

May you be content with yourself just the way you are, right now in this moment. If you want to change something in your life, that is fine but love yourself and accept yourself right now, and then visualize where you are going with an open heart for you.

I love that this quote is circulating amongst emails, at least to women, how wonderful it is when this amazing vehicle called the internet can be used for inspiration and as a great connection between people who may not have otherwise ever “met”. Try to look at all that is around you in a positive light, see the good and share your beauty. The world will continue to become more beautiful as more of us follow this route.

I am grateful to be sharing this path with you….

Sending love,

Michelle