what are you thinking about yourself....

How much do you value yourself?

It may seem like a strange question, but I see it as one worth asking. So many of us have been taught to put others first, as well as their opinions, and often in the process we can lose a sense of our own value…

Often everyone else seems to become more of a priority than ourself.

Not that I am endorsing narcissistic behavior but rather a realistic balance between our own needs and the needs of those around us, whether we are speaking of family, friends or our work. Try to remember that in the long run this is to everyone’s benefit who we share our lives with.

Has it been a while since you have listened to your heart’s true desire?

Is there something that you have been longing to pursue but somehow it seems to be continually postponed until you have more time…how long has this been going on? Maybe time in fact is not the real issue, but how you feel about yourself.

Often in the end we just give up on our dreams and in a way that means that we give up on our truest self. If we can’t value ourselves it is hard to imagine how someone else can and we begin to create a self fulfilling prophecy, that was based on a falsehood to start, that we really don’t matter.

My experience is that as we begin to take more steps to follow our heart, we reconnect with our true nature. Once this begins to happen there is no way that we cannot value ourselves more. We are all valuable and have something important to contribute in our lives…even if it is to be the one who says good morning to a stranger and maybe change that persons day, which just might have the power to change their life.

Here are a few inquiries to consider ….

Do you often do something other than what you really want to be doing to please someone else. This is lovely to do, but how many times do you forsake your desire?

If you were going to prepare yourself a cup of tea, coffee, a snack or a meal do you put less effort into it compared to if you were doing this for a friend, lover, family member. Why not treat yourself as well?

When you are tired, maybe even feeling exhausted, do you push yourself to “do one more thing”? Would you ask this of someone who you cared about?

Do you put undue pressure on yourself even when it is not necessary?…somehow it has  just become habitual.

Do you give far more to others than yourself? This can be in so many ways, our time and attention, our money, our compassion and care, our thoughts. I am a firm believer in the amazing gifts that come our way when we are giving and compassionate, and this is often a beneficial pathway to find more value in ourselves as well, however we can fall into a pattern of doing this at our own neglect and this is what I refer to here.

When we are more loving to ourselves it just happens that we are more loving to others.

When we are more compassionate to ourselves it just happens that we become more compassionate towards others.

As I was writing this I had an opportunity to live what I am writing about, which quite often happens. Last night I had hoped to finish this and post it on the website, but it was a bit late and I was tired. I kept writing a bit longer and then I realized that I was REALLY tired and I decided to go to bed and finish this is the morning (which is exactly what I am doing right now). Now, believe me there was a time when I would have made myself a cup tea, taken a few deep breaths outside and got myself back to writing so that this could be completed last night.

But what I realized was that it really didn’t matter if it was posted last night or this morning. Apologies if anyone out there was really disappointed when it was not in their email inbox this morning…

I let myself go to bed when I was feeling tired, wake up fresh and probably complete this more efficiently today and definitely feeling better than I would have last night. In many respects this is so obvious but the things that we do and patterns that we create often become so subtle that we don’t even think about them anymore. No wonder a lot of people are walking around angry, fearful and with so much personal discontent.

We get upset when others don’t treat us with respect, yet do we treat ourselves with that same respect we want from others?

As we begin to value ourselves more, we take better care of ourselves as well and this can only bring more good to those around us. I think that we all are aware of how depleting stress is and how harmful to our health. Some say that 90% of all illnesses are related to stress, and also one source of depression…so no amount of medication can really offer a cure if something that we are dealing with is stress related.

It may also be that something that we have done in the past to “treat” ourselves may now be creating stress and need to be re-thought. Perhaps a dinner out was a way to let go at the end of a busy day. But what if today the cost of that dinner is creating stress for you, can you really enjoy it? It may be time to spend an extra evening at home creating a beautiful, less expensive meal, reading a book or taking a long bath. What can you do in your life to relax yet not create financial pressure. A short walk may be all the medicine that you need to unwind during a hectic day.

Many of us are rediscovering, or wanting to rediscover more joy and happiness in our lives. One key element in this is listening to ourselves more so that we really have a chance to explore what truly makes us happy and joyful. This is not a subject that we often talk about, but when it comes to living in a more fulfilling way this is important to explore. More and more of us are realizing that many of those outside things are not necessarily making us feel any better, in fact often they become a burden and steal away our precious time.

This is a short story from Utne Reader about one country that is actually making their citizens’ happiness one indicator of the countries success and growth. Imagine this in the U.S., a lot would need to change but the benefits would be so far reaching to many.

We are in an exciting time right now with many changes happening all around us. The protests in Egypt and other places are one indicator that people are tired of being treated as if they do not matter, as if they have no value–there are other issues as well but in some ways this is really one of the underlying core issues in many places. We could not have homeless people or hunger if we valued every being more. We also could not destroy the Earth, or support its destruction with the things that we buy or eat, if we placed more value in what the Earth offers to us.

As with most things in life we must start with ourselves….

Ask yourself, do you value yourself and do you treat yourself as if you do?

If you answered yes – thank you for being a catalyst for others to do the same. And if you answered no, why not take a few moments right now to realize just how special you truly are and deserving to be treated with love and respect, especially by you.

Sending love and light…….

When the time comes for a break, I can enjoy it completely.

Lately I am realizing that I am often feeling as if I always seem to have something, and usually many things, to do….sound familiar? I go about my daily life in a pretty relaxed manner but recognize that I often seem to be spending more time taking care of those “to do” things than the things that I really want to be doing or love to be doing.

I am growing more and more uncomfortable with this situation and that is a great catalyst for changing something, but at the same time I am experiencing a powerful lesson in self acceptance and patience allowing this to be just the way things are for right now.

I also acknowledge that I do have a lot on my plate, as many of us do today…

I recently began taking new clients for coaching (one of those things from my “I love to do” list) and have even taken an office here in Santa Fe.

I also have a non-profit project on sustainable living that has taken a good amount of my time over the last year or so.

And I recently, recently as in since 2011 began… have started my very first art project, probably since I was in elementary school. I don’t remember if I had art in junior high school (and that was decades before all of the recent budget cuts) but it was never something that I felt confident doing.

On top of this over the last two and half years I have pretty much created an entirely new life returning to the U.S. after living in Europe for a number of years where I had a holistic center. When I came back to the states I chose to return to a new city (I had lived here only briefly in the past, but always loved it and felt drawn to be here) and I have been so fortunate to create an amazing community of friends and new family here in my adopted city, in spite of the fact that I have been traveling as much as I have been at home.

In effect on the outside an entirely new life exists, but I must say that the greatest journey has been the inner transformation that has been taking place for some years now…and this comes with me wherever I may travel or live.

I am sure that this is why I can see through the busy-ness that is a part of my life today. Often we have times when this is more pronounced, but when we bring our consciousness to it we can transmute each thing that we do, regardless of how mundane, to something that provides an opportunity for inner growth or awareness, or whatever you choose to call it.

I do not mean to imply that we need something, or we need to change something but in the sense of expansion or greatness, being able to recognize the beauty that surrounds us…even in the face of the horrendous.

To me this is truly a gift to live life in this way

Sometimes we also just need to give ourselves a break. That break can be from giving ourselves a hard time for what we have not done or not completed and sometimes we just have to stop. And I mean really STOP.

Right now, just stop for a moment. Sit back and take a deep breath and become aware of what is around you.

What do you smell?

What do you hear?

What kind of taste is in your mouth?

Try to linger in this place for a few minutes and experience returning to who you really are…in addition to all of the you’s that you live each day.

When we can bring our full awareness to whatever we are doing (even if the doing is stopping what he had been doing) it becomes so much richer. Even the laundry and washing dishes give us something in return….ourselves, when we do them being really present.

So as I venture more deeply into this new year I am filled with excitement and more of a sense of myself than ever before. I may have a lot to do but it all is so wonderful and rich when I remain grounded in myself doing them.

I may have preferences of what I would like to do. Would I rather go for a walk along the stream, under the beautiful blue sky and see the snow on the ground or go do some errands?

I would love that walk, but at the same time I know that doing the errands will take care of so many things so that when I do take that walk I will be more free than if I took it right now. I might take a walk around the block while doing my errands just to experience the day in a fuller way than just in and out of my car at each stop that I have to make. There is no reason for deprivation at the price of getting things accomplished.

This is one area that I have so enjoyed learning and experiencing… and that is the power of allowing myself to take a break, whether it is five minutes to sit back and experience my senses and myself, to take a short walk or a special, very conscious and present cup of tea or coffee. These small actions bring me back to myself and to the moment and then I really can experience the fullness of life whether it is while I run errands, return phone calls, take a bath or do my work.

Most of the time the gift of life is all around us, if we are willing and able to receive it.

Lately I am realizing that I am often feeling as if I always seem to have something, and usually many things, to do….sound familiar? I go about my daily life in a pretty relaxed manner but recognize that I often seem to be spending more time taking care of those “to do” things than the things that I really want to be doing or love to be doing.

I am growing more and more uncomfortable with this situation and that is a great catalyst for changing something, but at the same time I am experiencing a powerful lesson in self acceptance and patience allowing this to be just the way things are for right now.

I also acknowledge that I do have a lot on my plate, as many of us do today…

I recently began taking new clients for coaching (one of those things from my “I love to do” list) and have even taken an office here in Santa Fe.

I also have a non-profit project on sustainable living (SmartLifeways.com) that has taken a good amount of my time over the last year or so.

And I recently, recently as in since 2011 began… have started my very first art project, probably since I was in elementary school. I don’t remember if I had art in junior high school (and that was decades before all of the recent budget cuts).

On top of this over the last two and half years I have pretty much created an entirely new life returning to the U.S. after living in Europe for a number of years where I had a holistic center (atmando.com). When I came back to the states I chose to return to a new city for me (I had lived here briefly in the past) and have been so fortunate to create an amazing community of friends and new family here in my adopted city in spite of the fact that I have been traveling as much as I have been at home.

In effect on the outside an entirely new life exists, but I must say that the greatest journey has been the inner transformation that has been taking place for some years now…and this comes with me wherever I may travel or live.

I am sure that this is why I can see through the busy-ness that is a part of my life today. Often we have times when this is more pronounced, but when we bring our consciousness to it we can transmute each thing that we do, regardless of how mundane, to something that provides an opportunity for inner growth or awareness, or whatever you choose to call it.

I do not mean this in the sense that we need something, or we need to change something but in the sense of expansion or greatness, being able to recognize the beauty that surrounds us…even in the face of the horrendous.

To me this is truly a gift to live life in this way

Sometimes we also just need to give ourselves a break. That break can be from giving ourselves a hard time for what we have not done or not completed and sometimes we just have to stop. And I mean really STOP.

Right now, just stop for a moment. Sit back and take a deep breath and become aware of what is around you. What do you smell?

What do you hear?

What kind of taste is in your mouth?

Try to linger in this place for a few minutes and experience returning to who you really are…in addition to all of the you’s that you live each day.

When we can bring our full awareness to whatever we are doing (even if the doing is stopping what he had been doing) it becomes so much richer. Even the laundry and washing dishes give us something in return….ourselves, when we do them being really present.

So as I venture more deeply into this new year I am filled with excitement and more of a sense of myself than ever before. I may have a lot to do but it all is so wonderful and rich when I remain grounded in myself doing them.

I may have preferences of what I would like to do. Would I rather go for a walk along the stream, under the beautiful blue sky and see the snow on the ground or go do some errands?

I would love that walk, but at the same time I know that doing the errands will take care of so many things so that when I do take that walk I will be more free than if I took it right now. I might take a walk around the block while doing my errands just to experience the day in a fuller way than in and out of my car at each stop that I have to make. There is no reason for deprivation at the price of getting things accomplished.

This is one area that I have so enjoyed learning and experiencing… and that is the power of allowing myself to take a break, whether it is five minutes to sit back and experience my senses and myself, to take a short walk or a special, very conscious and present, cup of tea or coffee. These small actions bring me back to myself and to the moment and then I really can experience the fullness of life whether it is while I run errands, return phone calls, take a bath or do my work.

Most of the time the gift of life is all around us if we receive it.

Sometimes we need to be willing to sit for a period of time with what may be uncomfortable feelings in order to understand our lessons in life, so that we can then receive the gifts that follow…

When going through a challenging time have you noticed how difficult it often is to just sit with your feelings, to allow them to come to full bloom or maybe even eruption? There is a magic in the exploration of what is really being shown to us, since quite often it is something beyond what seems apparent on the surface. Think about it, when you are challenged in almost any way, in a relationship, at work, or even just driving down the road, and your feelings get charged up, isn’t there often a component that you could adjust? Try to linger there when feeling emotionally challenged, a lesson may await you that brings you deeper insight into unchartered areas within yourself that will allow you to live a more relaxed, joyful, satisfying life.

Take for example, driving down the road in traffic, your reaction might be anger or frustration but what can you do about the traffic anyway? What could this situation be indicating about you? Maybe you need to allow yourself more time so you don’t feel the stress of worrying about being late. Perhaps you need to slow down a bit and accept things as they come, especially those situations that are out of your control. Can you use this time as some sort of opportunity for yourself…listen to music you love and be glad that you have this time to really enjoy it, practice breathing in a conscious way, send out a desire that all those surrounding you in traffic reach their destination safely and peacefully. This is a chance to change your immediate, internal reality without being a victim of your external circumstances.

Perhaps you have a situation at work, or in a relationship, that keeps coming up. What could that be saying about you? Perhaps you need to confront a situation that you have been avoiding. Or maybe you need to dig a bit deeper and look at something totally unrelated to this immediate situation, which is just a trigger to bring your attention to something else. It is always interesting how we quite often are given opportunities that we ignore, but they keep returning.

As Pema ChÖdrÖn writes, “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”  Why not be observant, and willing to get the lesson sooner rather than later so that you can move on to the next beautiful opportunity life will present you…but be ready to sit with it for a bit to see what is being shown, about yourself.

This is in no way a judgmental exercise about ourself, how we are “bad” or must change. Try to see this as an opportunity to tend to a garden, pulling out the weeds so that more attention can be given to the beauty of the flowers and plants. We are all beautiful gardens that often just need a bit of care to come to our full glory. Give yourself this time to sit and be with yourself, you may discover a treasure calling you, that is you.