perhaps feeling more compassion for ourselves is an important step in ceasing the quest for love and acceptance from outside of ourselves

In times of crises like we are now living in so many of us are filled with compassion for the suffering that we witness all over the world and perhaps in our own communities as well. Of course this is natural and a wonderful opportunity to open our hearts to those who we share the planet with, and to do whatever we can to alleviate suffering.

But do you also have compassion for yourself?

I was recently reminded of how important this is in two separate incidents. The first was just this morning, and the inspiration that brought me to write this. I was reading an article about Krishna Das in The Sun and he mentioned that when people ask the Dalai Lama about compassion, “he says the first person who deserves compassion is ourself.”

How do you treat yourself when you are in crises, and in your daily life? is your heart open to you, to your needs, desires and dreams? Do you have the same understanding when it comes to your struggles and suffering that you offer to a loved one, or a stranger you see in need?

The second incident involved myself more directly and it had to do with allowing myself more freedom, encouragement and opportunity to follow my heart in work that I have recently discovered that I love to do. I was with a friend and this came up in a conversation. Do I have the compassion for myself to allow myself to dive deeply into this? I had felt that I did but I discovered that there had been a part of me resistant to this. That part that wanted me to “finish what I had already started” when in reality there was plenty of room in my life for all of it when I come out of time constraints that I had placed on myself…life after all is a journey without a real destination other than self awareness and awakening.

I think that for many of us we have lived in an “either / or” paradigm rather than one that was more inclusive….the “and this too” reality. Do you exclude important elements in your life that bring you joy and/or personal growth, or maybe more vitality in how you approach your life.

If your best friend, beloved or child said to you “I love doing this” would you tell them that they should wait for another time in their life to experience that? what do you say to yourself….

If someone you cared deeply for told you that they were suffering about something in their lives how would you respond? do you respond this way to your own pain?

Perhaps it is time to really take in deeply those wise words from the Dalai Lama….be compassionate first and foremost to that person who looks back at you in the mirror,  you are more than worthy.

Free yourself...face your fears.

Imagine that in facing our fears, and not running from them, we get to truly experience why we are here…to grow, to learn, to embody our full radiance, which cannot be known completely until we drop our fears by facing them.

Yesterday I was thinking about love and how there is often so much fear around love.
Will I be loved?
Will I be rejected?
Will he/she leave me?

And on and on fears show up around love (and of course other areas too) and for me the question arises,
Can we truly love with all of that fear?
Isn’t fear the antithesis of love?
It’s like saying it can be dark and light at the same time. As far as I know the only place I have ever experienced this is inside of myself, and that is where this mixture of fear and love tries to co-exist.

And in the end many of those fears may never be totally put to rest because they are in effect possible…
Our beloved may leave,
they may die,
or we might.

Sometimes our own growth propels us forward and that might include changing what our life looks like. Don’t you also want the same for those you love? even if it is just what they think is best for them, but we cannot hold them back from where their lives flow

So why not totally embrace the experience of love and just observe those fears when they arise (and whatever other emotions come), since ultimately they serve no purpose except to keep you from who you are and from truly experiencing all of the love and beauty that is around us. Let the thoughts, the fears arise and just see what happens when you don’t run from them.

When we allow the fear to literally enter and pierce our body, and we feel all of the pain that comes, we find out that it will eventually leave our bodies, and then our minds.
But when we let fear dwell in our minds, take over our thoughts and actions, and allow it to linger and lurk-not fully accepting it, it usually doesn’t leave, but rather settles in deeper. We also can begin to fall victim to our fears that may never even come to pass–and then we miss what is right in front of us.

Now I am not saying that this easy, but it also isn’t easy walking around carrying those fears for years, decades or lifetimes. If we can face that worse case scenario in our minds and bodies and survive it, and we do survive it, then we tap into a part of ourselves that we may have forgotten was even there. We find that inner strength that is really love, and who we truly are. The more times that we can go through this process the more we come to know ourselves and to see that our worst fears may never come to pass, and if they do there is probably a good reason for it in the long run. As we allow ourselves this experience we also seem to move through the painful times more rapidly and grow stronger.

Lately I am experiencing a sense of some sort of divine master plan in my life.  I can step back and view my life as a big picture, or movie, as more pieces of the picture are slowly but surely being painted in. With some distance, and grace, I can see that everything in my life has been for my betterment and development although it might have hurt like crazy going through it, I am who I am today as a result of all of those experiences. This has also facilitated my being to honor all that I have gone through.

Today as things happen… from disappointments to joy, I try to embrace it all. There is even a sweetness now to the suffering when it comes for I know that to feel this I was truly engaged in my life and feeling it all. And isn’t that what life is really all about? Living it fully.

I have faced many fears in the last years, actually the last decades, and I know deep in my bones (and even deeper than that) that I am never given more than I can handle and it is my choice to say yes or no to whatever experience I am presented with. Not to worry if I say no, the opportunity will return as surely as the sun will set and then rise in the morning and I will get another chance if this experience is part of my destiny..
So most of the time I am saying yes, and experiencing  so much while feeling the bliss of living a truly authentic life with all that it brings.

There is a song By Edwin McCain called I Want It All
and one of the lines is
The good, the bad, the happy and the sad
… I want it all.

Life can be a wonderful, fulfilling adventure lived from a place of embodied love and power when we are willing to face it all….

I just had a friend send me this beautiful piece from Rumi. I found it quite appropriate here.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house. Every day is a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an
unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty
of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He or she may be
cleaning you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door,
laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Rumi

What are you dreaming about to bring into your life?

Do you have some secret longing locked away in your heart? Perhaps it is something that you have always wanted to do, or some place you have always wanted to visit. Maybe it is a different kind of work than you have always done, that you feel would satisfy you more and bring more to those you work with or a larger community. It might be something as simple as visiting your local museums, getting out in nature more often or learning to cook, paint, knit or learn a sport.

I know that today many of us are so busy with our lives that some days we barely have time to catch our breath…in fact if it wasn’t automatic most of us would just stop breathing altogether.

But how does this make you feel?

I can tell you for myself when I get into one of those really busy times that feels like a whirlwind, I get pretty exhausted. It might be exhilarating at first, but then there comes this sense of, what am I doing, and does it really matter? It also takes me to a place of evaluating what really is important in life, and whether or not I am living that.

I recognize that times come when things just happen and we get a bit swamped…I have had a week like that and it is only Wednesday morning, but I am speaking about when it goes on and on and anything non-essential gets put to the bottom of the list, and often those are the things that really nurture our spirit and heart.

But is this quality living and what of those secret dreams and desires for something else in our lives?

For me I have recently jumped into one of those long held wishes and I have experienced a part of myself that feels more like me than almost anything else I have done in my life. I always felt a pull to artistic work but felt that I did not have any talent in this area so I never pursued it. I appreciated art, and beauty in any form has always been important to me and something that fed my heart. But to do something along those lines…I never even attempted it since I felt I had no ability. I also was caught up in the busy-ness of life, and so if an inkling came to take a pottery class (at least I would not need to draw anything) or something else along those lines, well I was just too busy.

This all changed for me around the beginning of the year when I started a collage, my first “art project” probably since elementary school. On one of my many visits to the art supply store I was told of a collage class that was starting in about a week, and so I emrolled. It has now been about five weeks and I am having such a wonderful time with this, it has opened a part of myself that I always felt was there but never had let out.

What has been equally important is the opportunity to take a look at the blocks that I had allowed to prevent me from exploring something that I had always felt pulled to do.

Why would I not pursue something that I always wanted to do?

I have seen that I carried some very false ideas about creativity, talent and being able to learn something new. Somehow I had the idea that you either had talent to do art or you didn’t. In hindsight it seems ridiculous since people go to art school to learn how to create art.  I never put being an artist in the same category as being a doctor, lawyer, even a chef…These were all something that one could say I want to be a _________ and then go to school to learn how. But somehow art seemed different to me.

I realize now that there had been a part of me that assumed we innately know certain elements of what we wanted to pursue. It never entered my mind to consider going to art school because I love art and learn how to be an artist. Somehow more creative careers didn’t have the same approach, in my mind, but they do in reality…we can learn just about anything if we really want to and are willing to make the time and take the risk.

I share this in hopes of inspiring others to take the leap to explore what it is that has slept in their hearts for far too long and is time to wake up. There must be a reason that we carry certain dreams. Imagine it is because we are meant to experience them, that they are an integral part of our being and a necessary part of our self expression and development.

We all want to live more authentic and fulfilling lives and this just might be one way to come closer to that experience. What have you been dreaming of?

I have been really involved creating SmartLifeways, a web site dedicated to informing and inspiring people to live in a more sustainable way. I will be offering sessions in “greening” your life – from your kitchen, office and all around your home – for those of you who maybe don’t even know where to begin or are ready to take the next step.

I came across this beautiful writing from Rudolf Steiner whose work has brought us Walden School, Anthroposophical Medicine and Biodynamic farming-he was a busy man. This was written in 1910 and I find it extremely relevant for today.

Hope you like it …..

“We must eradicate from the soul all fear and terror of what comes toward us out of the future.

We must acquire serenity in all feelings and sensation about the future.

We must look forward with absolute equanimity to everything that may come.

And we must think only that whatever comes is given to us by a world-directive full of wisdom.

It is part of what we must learn in this age, namely, to live out of pure trust, without any security in existence.

Trust in the ever-present help of the Spiritual World.

Truly, nothing else will do if our courage is not to fail us.

And let us seek the awakening from within ourselves, every morning and evening.”

(~ R. Steiner)

In no way has this been an easy transition but there was always a willingness to go through what was necessary for clarity, insight and moving forward out of old patterns that no longer served me. I had people tell me that I was courageous and I didn’t really feel this was accurate since I felt as if I had no choice. But maybe that is where courage comes from…when you see that there is only one direction and you will do whatever is necessary to make your way on that path, that is how I have felt.

While this has probably been the most painful two years of my life, it has also been the most rewarding as well. It sounds so cliche but it is the truth.

Whatever you may be going through persevere and don’t ever give up on yourself or your tomorrow.
Look for guidance and a hand to hold, but if neither shows up look to your power that lies within.
If you have no one to share your secrets and fears, write them down and share them with the universe.
When a hurricane of emotions arise let them rain down with fury, and remember… this too shall pass.
All that we feel are divine gifts and when we can let them move through us we realize this.

We are here to grow and become more of who we are. Just as a blade of grass can make its way through the concrete our spirit can hold us and guide us through anything. Find inspiration and just keep on going, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel-and that light is YOU.
Love and blessings

Sometimes we need to be willing to sit for a period of time with what may be uncomfortable feelings in order to understand our lessons in life, so that we can then receive the gifts that follow…

When going through a challenging time have you noticed how difficult it often is to just sit with your feelings, to allow them to come to full bloom or maybe even eruption? There is a magic in the exploration of what is really being shown to us, since quite often it is something beyond what seems apparent on the surface. Think about it, when you are challenged in almost any way, in a relationship, at work, or even just driving down the road, and your feelings get charged up, isn’t there often a component that you could adjust? Try to linger there when feeling emotionally challenged, a lesson may await you that brings you deeper insight into unchartered areas within yourself that will allow you to live a more relaxed, joyful, satisfying life.

Take for example, driving down the road in traffic, your reaction might be anger or frustration but what can you do about the traffic anyway? What could this situation be indicating about you? Maybe you need to allow yourself more time so you don’t feel the stress of worrying about being late. Perhaps you need to slow down a bit and accept things as they come, especially those situations that are out of your control. Can you use this time as some sort of opportunity for yourself…listen to music you love and be glad that you have this time to really enjoy it, practice breathing in a conscious way, send out a desire that all those surrounding you in traffic reach their destination safely and peacefully. This is a chance to change your immediate, internal reality without being a victim of your external circumstances.

Perhaps you have a situation at work, or in a relationship, that keeps coming up. What could that be saying about you? Perhaps you need to confront a situation that you have been avoiding. Or maybe you need to dig a bit deeper and look at something totally unrelated to this immediate situation, which is just a trigger to bring your attention to something else. It is always interesting how we quite often are given opportunities that we ignore, but they keep returning.

As Pema ChÖdrÖn writes, “nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”  Why not be observant, and willing to get the lesson sooner rather than later so that you can move on to the next beautiful opportunity life will present you…but be ready to sit with it for a bit to see what is being shown, about yourself.

This is in no way a judgmental exercise about ourself, how we are “bad” or must change. Try to see this as an opportunity to tend to a garden, pulling out the weeds so that more attention can be given to the beauty of the flowers and plants. We are all beautiful gardens that often just need a bit of care to come to our full glory. Give yourself this time to sit and be with yourself, you may discover a treasure calling you, that is you.

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are.”

I am not aware of who wrote this originally (if you know please send the author’s name) but it is a beautiful daily thought, or prayer… however you like to define it. When we can remember to remember that each phase of our life can offer us incredible gifts leading us to unthought of possibilities we can allow the unfolding of our lives with a bit more ease.

Not that each day will necessarily be “easy” but neither is a hike up a steep mountain, but the gift we receive when standing at the peak always makes it worth the effort. We get to experience many peaks in our lives when we have the stamina, courage and faith to continue up our personal mountains…..Perhaps one of the most important items to help us keep going is self acceptance.

May you be content with yourself just the way you are, right now in this moment. If you want to change something in your life, that is fine but love yourself and accept yourself right now, and then visualize where you are going with an open heart for you.

I love that this quote is circulating amongst emails, at least to women, how wonderful it is when this amazing vehicle called the internet can be used for inspiration and as a great connection between people who may not have otherwise ever “met”. Try to look at all that is around you in a positive light, see the good and share your beauty. The world will continue to become more beautiful as more of us follow this route.

I am grateful to be sharing this path with you….

Sending love,

Michelle

Now, I am far from suggesting immediate forgiveness in the face of feeling wronged, hurt or abused in some way. An essential part of the process is allowing our feelings to arise and have expression in one way or another. Sometimes  a situation shows up today merely to be a catalyst for unresolved feelings from the past. It is in allowing the feelings to arise from today’s situation that the old buried feelings are then recognized so that they can be released.

Giving ourselves permission, even an invitation, to let these feelings be expressed is also an important element to then come to the moment of forgiveness for ourself and then ultimately the other. Since there really is no “other” in effect we move through this process together, experiencing our interconnectedness and recognizing the important role that all of those who cross our path play in our life. There are no accidents along the way…

Once we understand our lesson and can forgive we may be able to re-embrace the other with a full and open heart developing an even closer relationship, or we may recognize that we must step away, not in anger but with understanding and love for ourself. The end result can vary tremendously in one way, but in another way it is always the same…we gain a sense of peace and can move ahead in our own life with more wisdom and an expanded knowing of who we are, and what greater gift can we ask for than that?