perhaps feeling more compassion for ourselves is an important step in ceasing the quest for love and acceptance from outside of ourselves

In times of crises like we are now living in so many of us are filled with compassion for the suffering that we witness all over the world and perhaps in our own communities as well. Of course this is natural and a wonderful opportunity to open our hearts to those who we share the planet with, and to do whatever we can to alleviate suffering.

But do you also have compassion for yourself?

I was recently reminded of how important this is in two separate incidents. The first was just this morning, and the inspiration that brought me to write this. I was reading an article about Krishna Das in The Sun and he mentioned that when people ask the Dalai Lama about compassion, “he says the first person who deserves compassion is ourself.”

How do you treat yourself when you are in crises, and in your daily life? is your heart open to you, to your needs, desires and dreams? Do you have the same understanding when it comes to your struggles and suffering that you offer to a loved one, or a stranger you see in need?

The second incident involved myself more directly and it had to do with allowing myself more freedom, encouragement and opportunity to follow my heart in work that I have recently discovered that I love to do. I was with a friend and this came up in a conversation. Do I have the compassion for myself to allow myself to dive deeply into this? I had felt that I did but I discovered that there had been a part of me resistant to this. That part that wanted me to “finish what I had already started” when in reality there was plenty of room in my life for all of it when I come out of time constraints that I had placed on myself…life after all is a journey without a real destination other than self awareness and awakening.

I think that for many of us we have lived in an “either / or” paradigm rather than one that was more inclusive….the “and this too” reality. Do you exclude important elements in your life that bring you joy and/or personal growth, or maybe more vitality in how you approach your life.

If your best friend, beloved or child said to you “I love doing this” would you tell them that they should wait for another time in their life to experience that? what do you say to yourself….

If someone you cared deeply for told you that they were suffering about something in their lives how would you respond? do you respond this way to your own pain?

Perhaps it is time to really take in deeply those wise words from the Dalai Lama….be compassionate first and foremost to that person who looks back at you in the mirror,  you are more than worthy.

Free yourself...face your fears.

Imagine that in facing our fears, and not running from them, we get to truly experience why we are here…to grow, to learn, to embody our full radiance, which cannot be known completely until we drop our fears by facing them.

Yesterday I was thinking about love and how there is often so much fear around love.
Will I be loved?
Will I be rejected?
Will he/she leave me?

And on and on fears show up around love (and of course other areas too) and for me the question arises,
Can we truly love with all of that fear?
Isn’t fear the antithesis of love?
It’s like saying it can be dark and light at the same time. As far as I know the only place I have ever experienced this is inside of myself, and that is where this mixture of fear and love tries to co-exist.

And in the end many of those fears may never be totally put to rest because they are in effect possible…
Our beloved may leave,
they may die,
or we might.

Sometimes our own growth propels us forward and that might include changing what our life looks like. Don’t you also want the same for those you love? even if it is just what they think is best for them, but we cannot hold them back from where their lives flow

So why not totally embrace the experience of love and just observe those fears when they arise (and whatever other emotions come), since ultimately they serve no purpose except to keep you from who you are and from truly experiencing all of the love and beauty that is around us. Let the thoughts, the fears arise and just see what happens when you don’t run from them.

When we allow the fear to literally enter and pierce our body, and we feel all of the pain that comes, we find out that it will eventually leave our bodies, and then our minds.
But when we let fear dwell in our minds, take over our thoughts and actions, and allow it to linger and lurk-not fully accepting it, it usually doesn’t leave, but rather settles in deeper. We also can begin to fall victim to our fears that may never even come to pass–and then we miss what is right in front of us.

Now I am not saying that this easy, but it also isn’t easy walking around carrying those fears for years, decades or lifetimes. If we can face that worse case scenario in our minds and bodies and survive it, and we do survive it, then we tap into a part of ourselves that we may have forgotten was even there. We find that inner strength that is really love, and who we truly are. The more times that we can go through this process the more we come to know ourselves and to see that our worst fears may never come to pass, and if they do there is probably a good reason for it in the long run. As we allow ourselves this experience we also seem to move through the painful times more rapidly and grow stronger.

Lately I am experiencing a sense of some sort of divine master plan in my life.  I can step back and view my life as a big picture, or movie, as more pieces of the picture are slowly but surely being painted in. With some distance, and grace, I can see that everything in my life has been for my betterment and development although it might have hurt like crazy going through it, I am who I am today as a result of all of those experiences. This has also facilitated my being to honor all that I have gone through.

Today as things happen… from disappointments to joy, I try to embrace it all. There is even a sweetness now to the suffering when it comes for I know that to feel this I was truly engaged in my life and feeling it all. And isn’t that what life is really all about? Living it fully.

I have faced many fears in the last years, actually the last decades, and I know deep in my bones (and even deeper than that) that I am never given more than I can handle and it is my choice to say yes or no to whatever experience I am presented with. Not to worry if I say no, the opportunity will return as surely as the sun will set and then rise in the morning and I will get another chance if this experience is part of my destiny..
So most of the time I am saying yes, and experiencing  so much while feeling the bliss of living a truly authentic life with all that it brings.

There is a song By Edwin McCain called I Want It All
and one of the lines is
The good, the bad, the happy and the sad
… I want it all.

Life can be a wonderful, fulfilling adventure lived from a place of embodied love and power when we are willing to face it all….

I just had a friend send me this beautiful piece from Rumi. I found it quite appropriate here.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house. Every day is a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an
unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty
of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He or she may be
cleaning you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door,
laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Rumi

In order to truly blossom we must be willing to open...to life.

Yesterday I was telling someone a story from my past that had to do with a humbling, and at the time a slightly humiliating experience. We began talking about the word humiliation and then humility…surely there is a relationship between the two.

For the sake of clarity I am not talking about humiliation in the broader sense of the word such as when a group or individual is subject to humiliating treatment that sets them apart with the intention to belittle them or possibly worse…this is not the experience that I refer to. But rather humiliation in the narrower sense of the word, maybe we could call it extreme embarrassment that causes us to feel humiliated. Often when we can go through that experience, survive it, and have our friends or family still love us, we realize that we can gain something from it.

Isn’t it interesting how we are averse to feeling humiliated but somehow humility is good? Maybe there isn’t that much of a difference…don’t we gain humility allowing ourselves to feel a bit humiliated on occasion. They can be two sides of one coin.

Could this be something that we are missing in our world today? a bit more humility. Many of us are too afraid to risk feeling humiliated so then we play it safe…Perhaps a little bit too safe to really experience life in its fullest and juiciest.

How powerful is that fear if it can hold us back from trying to live our dreams. Why do we not pursue that which puts a smile on our face and in our hearts. How many unfulfilled, and untried dreams are out there?

My experience is that at some point the fear of not living my life as I dreamt it could be was far more scary than going for it.

At this point I must confess that this is not where I planned to go with this writing but I like this exploration so my original idea will just have to wait.

I see that humility is a process that de-emphasizes the ego, that chips  away at it, which allows us to discover that we are something far beyond the ego. Usually in this process we gain something…some insight, some awareness to fill that space previously occupied by the ego in our inner world.

When we gain the knowledge, and acceptance of who we truly are, we recognize our value…We are empowered yet at the same time humbled. If we can give ourselves permission to experience that self humiliation and still remain aware of our being-ness and our worth we can also experience that sense of humility, which I know as very peaceful and centering. I am amazed again and again what power emanates from that place of being-ness.

Once we connect to ourselves this way we gain such a sense of freedom that we are willing to dare being humbled, even if that means risking the potential for a taste of humiliation. We realize that in effect everything in life is an opportunity for us to grow and live more aware and awakened lives…usually our greatest fears never come close to manifesting.

I don’t know about you but I am willing to take that risk, to make that leap to live a truly authentic life. The ego may get a bit nervous, but in effect as more fun, joy and contentment comes into my life there is an aspect of my ego that likes it too and then surrender just comes.

So maybe you are willing to step out a little from your comfort zone to experience more of who you really are. In the big picture of life when we are willing to dare, it is evidence that we are trusting something bigger than our fear and that is always empowering. Who would have thought that we can go from humiliation to humility and then to empowerment…

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

It's time for us all to blossom.

When the time comes for a break, I can enjoy it completely.

Lately I am realizing that I am often feeling as if I always seem to have something, and usually many things, to do….sound familiar? I go about my daily life in a pretty relaxed manner but recognize that I often seem to be spending more time taking care of those “to do” things than the things that I really want to be doing or love to be doing.

I am growing more and more uncomfortable with this situation and that is a great catalyst for changing something, but at the same time I am experiencing a powerful lesson in self acceptance and patience allowing this to be just the way things are for right now.

I also acknowledge that I do have a lot on my plate, as many of us do today…

I recently began taking new clients for coaching (one of those things from my “I love to do” list) and have even taken an office here in Santa Fe.

I also have a non-profit project on sustainable living that has taken a good amount of my time over the last year or so.

And I recently, recently as in since 2011 began… have started my very first art project, probably since I was in elementary school. I don’t remember if I had art in junior high school (and that was decades before all of the recent budget cuts) but it was never something that I felt confident doing.

On top of this over the last two and half years I have pretty much created an entirely new life returning to the U.S. after living in Europe for a number of years where I had a holistic center. When I came back to the states I chose to return to a new city (I had lived here only briefly in the past, but always loved it and felt drawn to be here) and I have been so fortunate to create an amazing community of friends and new family here in my adopted city, in spite of the fact that I have been traveling as much as I have been at home.

In effect on the outside an entirely new life exists, but I must say that the greatest journey has been the inner transformation that has been taking place for some years now…and this comes with me wherever I may travel or live.

I am sure that this is why I can see through the busy-ness that is a part of my life today. Often we have times when this is more pronounced, but when we bring our consciousness to it we can transmute each thing that we do, regardless of how mundane, to something that provides an opportunity for inner growth or awareness, or whatever you choose to call it.

I do not mean to imply that we need something, or we need to change something but in the sense of expansion or greatness, being able to recognize the beauty that surrounds us…even in the face of the horrendous.

To me this is truly a gift to live life in this way

Sometimes we also just need to give ourselves a break. That break can be from giving ourselves a hard time for what we have not done or not completed and sometimes we just have to stop. And I mean really STOP.

Right now, just stop for a moment. Sit back and take a deep breath and become aware of what is around you.

What do you smell?

What do you hear?

What kind of taste is in your mouth?

Try to linger in this place for a few minutes and experience returning to who you really are…in addition to all of the you’s that you live each day.

When we can bring our full awareness to whatever we are doing (even if the doing is stopping what he had been doing) it becomes so much richer. Even the laundry and washing dishes give us something in return….ourselves, when we do them being really present.

So as I venture more deeply into this new year I am filled with excitement and more of a sense of myself than ever before. I may have a lot to do but it all is so wonderful and rich when I remain grounded in myself doing them.

I may have preferences of what I would like to do. Would I rather go for a walk along the stream, under the beautiful blue sky and see the snow on the ground or go do some errands?

I would love that walk, but at the same time I know that doing the errands will take care of so many things so that when I do take that walk I will be more free than if I took it right now. I might take a walk around the block while doing my errands just to experience the day in a fuller way than just in and out of my car at each stop that I have to make. There is no reason for deprivation at the price of getting things accomplished.

This is one area that I have so enjoyed learning and experiencing… and that is the power of allowing myself to take a break, whether it is five minutes to sit back and experience my senses and myself, to take a short walk or a special, very conscious and present cup of tea or coffee. These small actions bring me back to myself and to the moment and then I really can experience the fullness of life whether it is while I run errands, return phone calls, take a bath or do my work.

Most of the time the gift of life is all around us, if we are willing and able to receive it.

Lately I am realizing that I am often feeling as if I always seem to have something, and usually many things, to do….sound familiar? I go about my daily life in a pretty relaxed manner but recognize that I often seem to be spending more time taking care of those “to do” things than the things that I really want to be doing or love to be doing.

I am growing more and more uncomfortable with this situation and that is a great catalyst for changing something, but at the same time I am experiencing a powerful lesson in self acceptance and patience allowing this to be just the way things are for right now.

I also acknowledge that I do have a lot on my plate, as many of us do today…

I recently began taking new clients for coaching (one of those things from my “I love to do” list) and have even taken an office here in Santa Fe.

I also have a non-profit project on sustainable living (SmartLifeways.com) that has taken a good amount of my time over the last year or so.

And I recently, recently as in since 2011 began… have started my very first art project, probably since I was in elementary school. I don’t remember if I had art in junior high school (and that was decades before all of the recent budget cuts).

On top of this over the last two and half years I have pretty much created an entirely new life returning to the U.S. after living in Europe for a number of years where I had a holistic center (atmando.com). When I came back to the states I chose to return to a new city for me (I had lived here briefly in the past) and have been so fortunate to create an amazing community of friends and new family here in my adopted city in spite of the fact that I have been traveling as much as I have been at home.

In effect on the outside an entirely new life exists, but I must say that the greatest journey has been the inner transformation that has been taking place for some years now…and this comes with me wherever I may travel or live.

I am sure that this is why I can see through the busy-ness that is a part of my life today. Often we have times when this is more pronounced, but when we bring our consciousness to it we can transmute each thing that we do, regardless of how mundane, to something that provides an opportunity for inner growth or awareness, or whatever you choose to call it.

I do not mean this in the sense that we need something, or we need to change something but in the sense of expansion or greatness, being able to recognize the beauty that surrounds us…even in the face of the horrendous.

To me this is truly a gift to live life in this way

Sometimes we also just need to give ourselves a break. That break can be from giving ourselves a hard time for what we have not done or not completed and sometimes we just have to stop. And I mean really STOP.

Right now, just stop for a moment. Sit back and take a deep breath and become aware of what is around you. What do you smell?

What do you hear?

What kind of taste is in your mouth?

Try to linger in this place for a few minutes and experience returning to who you really are…in addition to all of the you’s that you live each day.

When we can bring our full awareness to whatever we are doing (even if the doing is stopping what he had been doing) it becomes so much richer. Even the laundry and washing dishes give us something in return….ourselves, when we do them being really present.

So as I venture more deeply into this new year I am filled with excitement and more of a sense of myself than ever before. I may have a lot to do but it all is so wonderful and rich when I remain grounded in myself doing them.

I may have preferences of what I would like to do. Would I rather go for a walk along the stream, under the beautiful blue sky and see the snow on the ground or go do some errands?

I would love that walk, but at the same time I know that doing the errands will take care of so many things so that when I do take that walk I will be more free than if I took it right now. I might take a walk around the block while doing my errands just to experience the day in a fuller way than in and out of my car at each stop that I have to make. There is no reason for deprivation at the price of getting things accomplished.

This is one area that I have so enjoyed learning and experiencing… and that is the power of allowing myself to take a break, whether it is five minutes to sit back and experience my senses and myself, to take a short walk or a special, very conscious and present, cup of tea or coffee. These small actions bring me back to myself and to the moment and then I really can experience the fullness of life whether it is while I run errands, return phone calls, take a bath or do my work.

Most of the time the gift of life is all around us if we receive it.

I have been really involved creating SmartLifeways, a web site dedicated to informing and inspiring people to live in a more sustainable way. I will be offering sessions in “greening” your life – from your kitchen, office and all around your home – for those of you who maybe don’t even know where to begin or are ready to take the next step.

I came across this beautiful writing from Rudolf Steiner whose work has brought us Walden School, Anthroposophical Medicine and Biodynamic farming-he was a busy man. This was written in 1910 and I find it extremely relevant for today.

Hope you like it …..

“We must eradicate from the soul all fear and terror of what comes toward us out of the future.

We must acquire serenity in all feelings and sensation about the future.

We must look forward with absolute equanimity to everything that may come.

And we must think only that whatever comes is given to us by a world-directive full of wisdom.

It is part of what we must learn in this age, namely, to live out of pure trust, without any security in existence.

Trust in the ever-present help of the Spiritual World.

Truly, nothing else will do if our courage is not to fail us.

And let us seek the awakening from within ourselves, every morning and evening.”

(~ R. Steiner)

In no way has this been an easy transition but there was always a willingness to go through what was necessary for clarity, insight and moving forward out of old patterns that no longer served me. I had people tell me that I was courageous and I didn’t really feel this was accurate since I felt as if I had no choice. But maybe that is where courage comes from…when you see that there is only one direction and you will do whatever is necessary to make your way on that path, that is how I have felt.

While this has probably been the most painful two years of my life, it has also been the most rewarding as well. It sounds so cliche but it is the truth.

Whatever you may be going through persevere and don’t ever give up on yourself or your tomorrow.
Look for guidance and a hand to hold, but if neither shows up look to your power that lies within.
If you have no one to share your secrets and fears, write them down and share them with the universe.
When a hurricane of emotions arise let them rain down with fury, and remember… this too shall pass.
All that we feel are divine gifts and when we can let them move through us we realize this.

We are here to grow and become more of who we are. Just as a blade of grass can make its way through the concrete our spirit can hold us and guide us through anything. Find inspiration and just keep on going, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel-and that light is YOU.
Love and blessings

Marcel Proust

What can you see new today?

We have the opportunity to discover something new about ourselves and the world around us every day, if we can open our eyes and see without the veil of our past and our conditioning.

No easy task, I am the first to admit, but one if cultivated will bring immense rewards.

A good way to begin this is to simply try to step back and become more of an observer, of what you see around you but also of yourself. Try to relinquish your judgments, especially of yourself, and just allow a witness to emerge from within. As you nurture these new eyes from the inside you will gain an insight about the things you do and think and suddenly the world, and perhaps yourself, will become new.

Let me know how this process of discovery works for you……..

Another aspect of our journey is waking up to the reality that we have been living and to some extent have created. Sometimes our dreams and illusions are shattered as part of this process, this can be a painful but necessary part of our awakening.  Quite often we first recognize the dream that we are living in relation to others and this can be very difficult to come to grips with, however the waking up to the illusions within can seem as if they are more than we can handle. We often have lived in a dream about ourselves, who we have seen ourselves to be and what we have allowed in our lives, for whatever reasons….this can be the most challenging to awaken to but the most essential.

Hang tight and hold on, open your eyes (inwardly and outwardly) and keep your heart open, there is light at the end of the tunnel…YOU!

This is the way of transformation and the truth will set you free so that you can live your life to its full glory and beauty.

We are all on the journey to come to know ourselves deeper and leave behind that which no longer represents our authentic self. As we grow and learn more about ourselves many aspects of ourselves may simply drop away but sometimes we stubbornly cling to that which no longer serves us. I hope that together we can allow these aspects to more easily drop away.

Looking forward to hearing from you in the coming weeks and months.

Try to enjoy your life whatever is happening in front of you, since surely it will change. You may as well feel good inside since this is a gift that only you can give to yourself every day.